Just Another Day
by inkbender
Summary: Every day within the 104th Trainees Squad is a day to remember. Newest chapter, in which Bertolt throws himself a pity party, and Reiner literally drops in.
1. The day after

_**WARNING**__: Major manga spoilers! Though if you're on this site, it's likely that you've already been spoiled…_

_**Author's Note**__: Having just gotten off the Feels Train of episodes 21 and 22 of the anime, I decided to write a story in which 1. nobody dies! and 2. everybody's (relatively) happy! Hence a happier and hopefully more humorous story from the members of the 104__th__ Squad back in their training camp days. _

_**Update schedule**__: Every Saturday afternoon, Seattle time._

**(Edited) Table of Contents, in which…**

0) **Prologue**: the aftermath  
1) …**Sasha** doesn't have a secret food stash, nope.  
2a) …**Mikasa** fights to win.  
2b) …**Mikasa** meets her match.  
3) …**Reiner**'s inappropriate display of cleavage costs him dearly.  
4) …**Jean** finds himself in the middle of a chestfest.  
5)…**Connie** is violated and violates in return.  
6) …**Armin **has gone missing.  
7) …**Krista** werqs it.  
8) …**Bertolt** loses more than his mind during a pity-party.  
9) …**Jean** finds himself in the middle of a shippingfest.  
10) …**Ymir** is horrified at Krista's most recent developments.  
11) …**Eren** seeks revenge.  
12) …**Marco **isn't just Jean's sidekick.  
13) …**Annie** has a secret mission.

* * *

**The Aftermath**

Armin does not wake up in his own bed.

It's not even his dormitory.

As if that isn't bad enough, there are two people pressed tightly against his body.

He does not freak out. He does not shout or squirm. He does not even move. He is smarter than that… because any sort of violent reaction on his part would spell instant death.

Because this is the girls' sleeping quarters, and the girls sandwiching him on either side are two of the most dangerous people in the entire trainees' camp. On one side, Mikasa Ackerman breathes directly into his ear, occasionally whispering, "Eren," and purring contentedly. On his other side, Annie Leonhart looks oddly peaceful, an incredibly rare smile gracing her slender lips. All three of them are using the same pillow and are covered by the same blanket. Armin doesn't dare to move because, even though he cannot see underneath the blanket, it sure **feels** like neither girl wears much clothes to bed.

Armin doesn't need his brains to figure out that he will suffer grave consequences if either girl wakes up before he can escape. Misaka and Annie wouldn't scream, "Kyah! What are you doing, pervert?" because they both are not expressive people. Besides, Mikasa is Armin's childhood friend. They've gone swimming together plenty of times; she wouldn't kill him, though she would be embarrassed about mistaking him as Eren.

However, Mikasa would definitely see Annie sleeping on Armin's other side. Or, if Annie woke up first, she would see Mikasa. The rivals would get dangerous red glints in their eyes as they viciously fought each other to the death, and the poor unfortunate blonde that just so happened to be in between them would only be able to leave the cabin in several pieces.

It's not just Mikasa or Annie either; if **any** one of the fifty girls here sees him, a boy in the girls' cabin, he will move straight from "innocent shota" to "undercover pervert" in three seconds flat. …And he hasn't even hit puberty yet.

Less thinking, more doing. No sudden movements either. As slow as possible, still on his back, Armin lifts his knees towards his chest. Yesterday's injuries remind him not-so-gently that they're still there, but he forces through the pain. The gradual action, which takes almost a minute, lifts the blanket slightly. Annie complains wordlessly as her feet are exposed, but she doesn't do anything else. Mikasa purrs again, though maybe it's a snore. The other forty-eight girls in the dormitory do not stir.

Okay. He's still on his back, lying with his knees crunched up to his chest, trying to get used to the burning in his muscles from yesterday's damage. Again, as slowly as he can, Armin rolls forward until he's sitting on the bed. The blanket is pulled up as his body rises, exposing the shoulders and upper torsos of the two girls snoozing on either side of him. Armin tries to reposition the blanket back on top of them so that the cold won't startle them awake, and that's when he finally sees what their pajamas are.

Mikasa wears a sports bra and short shorts.

Annie wears nothing.

Again, Armin does not flinch. He does not scream. He does not rub his eyes frantically in an attempt to wipe the image from his mind. He is too young to see this. He does not want to see this.

Why him? How did he get into this situation? As far as he can remember, yesterday had just been another ordinary day. At least, as ordinary as a day amongst the members of the 104th Trainees' Squad can ever be.

Now that he's in a sitting position, all Armin has to do now is grab the wooden supports of the bunk above him. Then, maybe he can slowly lift himself off the mattress with as little disturbance as possible and then reposition himself so he can land on the floor. Then from there, he can either run for the doorway or climb out a window… though Armin immediately decides that's a bad idea. He will have to be standing up the entire time, and if any girl wakes up, they will see him immediately.

No, he'll have to hide underneath the bed until all the girls go to breakfast.

Armin slowly reaches up towards the supports of the bunk bed above him…

…Until the fifty-first resident of the dormitories kicks down the front door and screams at the top of her lungs.

* * *

Krista's beauty sleep is brutally torn to shreds the moment Hannah explodes into the dormitories, blurting out an unintelligible mixture of worded laughter and wordless nonsense as loud as is humanly possible. For a moment, she's tempted just to roll over and hide underneath her pillow and blankets; unfortunately, as her luck would have it, Hannah stops right next to her, hands waving and garbled words splashing out of her mouth and all over Krista's poor ears.

(_Go away; it's warm and comfy and I don't want to get out of bed._) She restrains herself from reflexively slapping the redhead away (_gotta be nice_), instead mumbling, "Wha?"

It's only when a fist flies past Krista's face and hits Hannah's shoulder that Krista realizes somebody's sleeping on top of her. "Shuddap," Ymir moans, burying her nose within Krista's cleavage and freely running hands all over her naked body.

Krista is suddenly as awake as she'll ever be.

"Kyahhh!" she squeals, yanking her blanket over Ymir's head in horror. "Ah! Hannah, don't look!"

Speckles of spit fly out of Hannah's mouth as she tugs lightly on Krista's arm. She's still incomprehensible, but her words are becoming more pronounced and Krista catches "underwear" and "everywhere!"

This can't be good.

* * *

The first thing Annie sees in the morning is Armin's terrified face.

Her face doesn't change.

Her mind **does** flip its shit.

She blinks, slowly. When she opens her eyes again, Armin is still staring at her, begging, pleading, desperate tears welling up in his blue eyes.

Then she spots Mikasa behind Armin. The oriental dragon still slumbers, but she's nibbling on some of Armin's fair hair and giggling. The **beast** is laughing like a carefree schoolgirl and it makes Annie's blood boil.

She's quickly brought back to Armin's situation when a girl gasps in shock behind her.

Her subsequent actions are purely to protect her own virtue, not Armin's. She rolls away from the foolish boy, tumbling out of bed (_not my bed; this is Mikasa's bed—what am I even doing here_) yet landing with her legs and feet splayed out like a cat that has just alighted upon the ground after falling from a great height. Her actions are smooth and predatory and quick as lightning: a beautiful flying butterfly kick that sends the witness flying out the nearest window and draws attention to the shattering of glass and then to her, and not the boy hiding underneath Mikasa's blanket.

She doesn't even care that she's stark naked in front of her entire cabin. That's normal.

Mikasa's bed is not normal. Armin is not normal.

* * *

Sasha could climb trees before she could walk. That skill had become of little use once she'd run away from her mountain village and moved into the big city to join the military, but now it is of the greatest importance that she be able to scamper up to the tiniest branches of every tree in the training camp.

Because that pink lace panties fluttering like a flag at the top of a pine tree is **hers**.

"Eeeeyah!" she roars, frothing at the mouth as she snatches the piece of clothing off the branch and throws it to the ground. She doesn't even care that it lands in a mud puddle, because now it's that much less visible.

She does care quite a bit more when, during breakfast, she catches a glimpse of another pair of her missing panties—the one with the circles of little red hearts surrounding tiny little red steaks—peeking out from underneath Connie's pants. **Him**, wearing **her** underwear. Her brain is completely flummoxed as to where and how he found them, but her body acts of its own accord. After all, it's sorta hot and she almost wants to kiss him for it.

She ends up giving him The Wedgie To End All Wedgies instead.

* * *

In reality, Connie only wore Sasha's panties because he'd peed his bed (_again! There has to be something in the water!_) and all his clean boxers were mysteriously missing. He has his suspicions, but Reiner never shows up to breakfast and Jean has a perfect poker face.

* * *

Marco worries when neither Reiner nor Thomas participate in the morning 10 kilometer run… but yesterday morning Armin had been mysteriously missing too, and look how that turned out. He's sure that the two missing blondes will eventually be found with all their body parts intact.

The running trail now snakes its way through sections of the forest destroyed by yesterday's unexplained disaster; Marco catches up with Jean in the middle of the still-smoking crater. "No clouds," he shouts, pointing at the clear blue skies above them.

"Bertl hasn't failed me yet," Jean yells back, tapping his temple. "There **will** be rainbows."

* * *

Against all reason, Bertolt completes the run wearing as much clothes as is humanly possible. He adds an entire half hour onto his runtime because of it, and Marco and Jean have to shield themselves from the constant shower of sweat-drops when they overtake him, but Bertolt perseveres up until lunch. That's when the sweat-soaked scarf begins to suffocate him, and he's forced to take it off to reveal a drawing of a long loaf of French bread pointed towards his mouth.

The drawing was done in the permanent ink of Instructor Shadis' signature pen.

* * *

While they're all waiting around for the mess hall to open, Marco begins asking people about Thomas' whereabouts. When Eren snaps irritably at the freckled boy, Jean seems to take personal offense. Push turns to shove turns to full-out fistfight until Mikasa and Marco pull them apart.

No matter how much Ymir sneers at her, Sasha swears she will go down with this Erejean ship.

* * *

They finally find Reiner after lunch, still in his bed—and gagged, blindfolded, and bound with underwear. He is also completely naked and his skin is covered with drawings of French baguettes up to 35cm long. Even after the gag is removed, though, Reiner refuses to accuse anybody.

He does blush furiously whenever Bertolt's around.

* * *

It rains during afternoon lessons, and by the time class gets out, rainbow light twinkles off every reflective surface.

"A rainbow for Reiner," Jean is quick to proclaim. "Four rainbows for Eren! You go, Eren Yeager! And a rainbow for Ymir, a rainbow for Armin… oh hell, rainbows for everybody! Ahem… Except me, because there's only one girl in my—"

Mikasa punches Jean in the face before he can finish.

* * *

_**Chapter 1 preview:  
**24 hours earlier…** Sasha **protects her secret food stash._

_"Don't judge me. I was born this way."_


	2. in Sasha's life

_Author's Note: Warnings for foul language (from Ymir). _

* * *

**A day earlier…**

* * *

**~ Armin Arlert ~**

"Thomas made me do it!" Armin shouts desperately the minute Sasha kicks down the door to the boys' dormitories.

(_useless, all useless; I was stupid and now I'm dead._)

Hungry Sasha is not something you want to mess with. Armin says _something_ and not _someone _because that's really what she is on an empty stomach: less human and more monster. Especially now in the morning before breakfast when her stomach's been empty all night. Usually, this isn't a problem, because Sasha's a late sleeper, and on the rare occasion that she **does** wake up before the mess hall opens, she apparently has a secret stash of food somewhere that prevents her from going absolutely insane.

On a dare, Armin had sought out this legendary stash. And lo and behold, he finally triangulated its location by noting which direction Sasha looked first when he told her about forest fires; after all, any human would look towards their most treasured possession in the midst of an emergency situation. Knowing she was a late sleeper, he'd snuck over in the early hours of the morning and taken a small amount of dried meat as proof that the place of whispered legend was truly a full reality.

And he'd been in the middle of showing this proof to Thomas when Sasha exploded in. He sees how she seems to only be wearing an oversized shirt (and maybe panties) but doesn't possess the human emotion of shame about it. He sees the red glint in her eyes and the way her teeth are bared and how her sharpened fingernails leave dents in the wooden door. Still, Armin tries to reason with her in hopes that she still has a scrap of humanity left. "Thomas wanted me to bring him some meat! It was a dare!"

The taller blonde frantically scrabbles away from Armin's accusing finger. "It was a **game**!" Thomas begs, tossing the rabbit jerky at Armin. "Truth or Dare, and Armin chose Dare!"

The rabbit meat bounces around Armin's hands before he finally closes his fists around it. Though he doesn't want to be the one in possession of the incriminating evidence, he knows it'd be even worse if he was the one to defile it by dropping it on the floor. "I chose Truth!" he screams, lugging the meat back in Thomas' direction.

He purposely throws it just barely off-center, making Thomas have to take a couple steps to the side. This horrible life-or-death game of hot potato alongside their rapid-fire argument. "But you lied!"

"You asked me if I was a boy or girl **and I told you the truth**."

"You can't fool me with your moe foolery! Liar."

"What are you talking about?"

"No! Must resist! **Liesssss!**"

Unfortunately, Sasha is not a woman of words. She is not woman, period. Her jaw seems to unhinge open as she leaps, a la jumping Titan style, for his hands.

Armin screams and chucks the rabbit jerky at Thomas. Impossibly, Sasha changes directions in midair—until Armin's analytical mind picks up on tiny details, like how Sasha twists her torso and brings in her arms towards her body like a figure skater, adding a tight spin to her body's trajectory that brings her wide-open mouth just within reach of the dried meat. With a horrendous crunching noise, Sasha's teeth close violently around the rabbit flesh.

(_oh whew she __**is**__ wearing panties underneath that shirt_)

Then she lands on Thomas. The powerful _**crack**_ of the wooden floorboards underneath Thomas' twisted corpse sounds, to Armin's ears, like the gunshot of a predator finishing off her prey.

Now, while Sasha's distracted with the carcass. While she's busy tearing his clothes apart with her claws and mutilating his face with her mouth.

(_I need to run now. Why can't I move? Why does my body refuse to obey me? Why can I only watch as…_)

No matter what he does, though, he already knows that it's too late. The world seems to have slowed to a halt. Sasha turns around slowly, her glowing red eyes leaving burning afterstreaks in the relative darkness. His life flashes in front of his eyes as he gives up all hope and collapses to his hands and knees.

He can't move. He can barely breathe. He can't do anything more than recall the happier times of his life—and today was going to be _the_ perfect day. Jean had promised so this morning, upon viewing Bertolt's latest sleeping position. (Somehow, sleeping on his back with one foot propped up against the wall and the other almost touching his face meant sunny skies with occasional cloud cover and cool winds but no rain.)

He freezes as Sasha's ominous shadow overtakes him. He can hear nothing but the pounding of his heart in his ears, but he senses something warm and thick dripping slowly onto his back. Whether it's blood or drool doesn't matter; he is so stricken with terror that he might just keel over and die now.

(_Eren… Mikasa… I'm sorry for being nothing more than a burden…_)

Sasha interrupts his pitiful thoughts with a low voice full of sensual desire. "Breakfast time~."

* * *

**~ Sasha Braus ~**

Sasha regains her senses as soon as her stomach figures out that it's filled with meat. She isn't hungry anymore, and that means she can complete what she needs to do efficiently.

Thus it is that she properly disposes of the bodies before breakfast.

Then, when the mess hall opens its front doors, Sasha is, as usual, the first one to stack her tray with three bowls of oatmeal, a small pile of apples, one egg, and one carton of milk. She then busies herself in what she does best: packing as much food as she can into her gullet.

(_Don't judge me, I was born this way_)

Before she joined the military, she lived three years in the city as an orphan. And before that, she lived in an extremely isolated mountain village. Now, the military (usually) gives her all the food she wants, and if they don't, she just steals more of it. It's that simple. Sasha is a simple girl that way, and because of that, she is perfect happy with her life. Physically fit and very happy.

And… she's also growing. A lot. And in places that, well, she should have known were coming… but she really didn't grow up with a mother or sister or any sort of woman in her life, so seriously. Stop judging.

"Krista," she calls as the blonde passes by with her tray. "May I ask you a question?"

Krista smiles and seats herself next to Sasha. "How can I help?" she says kindly. Sasha feels a warmth spread in her chest at Krista's niceness. Krista's just a nice girl that way, and everybody loves her for it. Boys and girls, it doesn't matter.

Like Ymir. Ymir really likes Krista, and the minute Krista sits down at Sasha's table, Ymir sits across from Krista. "Whaddya want now?" the brunette growls, smashing her egg and peeling off the shell threateningly.

Sasha blushes slightly, but she speaks up at Krista's encouraging smile. "How can I make my chest as small as Ymir's?"

Ymir spews chewed-up bits of egg all over her oatmeal. "The hell you playin' at, girl? Do you **want** me to punch you in the—fuck that hurts!"

It seems as if Krista has just kicked Ymir under the table, but the face that she turns towards Sasha is just as kind and reassuring as ever. "Do you have a problem with your… chest?"

"Boobs," Ymir corrects loudly. "They're called—bitch I will cut **someone else** if you don't cut the kicking out!"

"You will **not** hurt anybody," Krista says firmly. "With words **or** fists."

Ymir deflates instantly, and she smiles. "Anything for you, babe."

There are a lot of things that Sasha wants to ask. She wants to know how Krista how she laces up her boots with them in the way. She wants to know how Krista exercises, especially when they won't stop moving around every time she takes a step. She wants to know how she can hide them when they're being too loud and proud. But now, with Ymir nursing her bruised shins and occasionally glaring daggers at her when Krista isn't looking, and with her squad mates looking in her direction after Ymir's angry outbursts, Sasha no longer wants to ask Krista these questions.

Not here, at least.

"You want a stupid answer?" snarls Ymir. "Stop eating so damn much! All those calories go straight to your padded places. For **normal** girls, that's usually the hips, but you just so happen to be **special**."

Sasha glances down at her empty bowls of oatmeal and her five apple cores. There's no doubt that Ymir is telling the truth; this is just the way she is. She's very blunt and truthful, just like Sasha is simple and Krista is kind.

Krista pounds a tiny fist on the table. "**Normal** people aren't as inconsiderately mean as you are."

Ymir guffaws. "Are you kidding? That was a compliment! In fact, whatever Sasha's got, I wish you'd catch it." Ymir reaches across the table and pokes at Krista.

Krista slaps Ymir's hand away before she can get a full feel-up. "Hey, stop it."

"What? You alwa—"

"Shh! Not now!"

"Tonight, then?"

"Shut up!"

Ymir does not speak, but she does a strange little action in which she licks the empty space between her two fingers that form the shape of a V. Krista blushes furiously and throws her empty milk carton at Ymir.

Sasha taps Krista on the shoulder. Ymir takes the chance to lob an apple at the blonde as she turns her attention on Sasha, so Sasha covers her by reaching out and grabbing the fruit out of midair (and then, partly of spite and mostly because it's just what she does whenever her hand is holding something edible, she takes a bite out of it.) Ymir glares daggers at her again, but she asks anyways, "Do you think I can bring my question to Annie?"

Annie, who sits behind them at the next table over, has no chest either. There must be something that girl does to keep her chest small, especially since she is one year older than Sasha is. Though she also doesn't talk so much, and there's always the chance that she just might pretend that Sasha doesn't exist, so maybe Sasha will have to ask Mina.

Ymir apparently is not done with her revenge, because she picks up one of Sasha's apple cores and tosses it at Sasha's head. Sasha only sees the flicker of movement out of the corner of her eye

(_in the forest hunting with a bow and arrow deer moves to my left act on reflex_)

Sasha ducks her head. The apple core flies harmlessly by and hits the back of somebody at Annie's table. The person glances at the apple core on the ground and then jumps to his feet, roaring, "Eren Yeager! Throwing your garbage at me again, huh? Is that really what you think of me?"

Across the room, Eren also explodes to his feet. "Are you trying to trash-talk me again, Jean? I didn't do anything!"

Ah, yes. It was going to happen sooner or later: Eren and Jean's roundabout declarations of love. Sometimes it comes to rolling around on the floor, hitting and hurting each other, but most of the time it's just yelling at each other across the room like an old married couple.

It's really cute.

"This is totally your apple: it has your bite marks all over it! And I'd know, because I still have that bruise on my shoulder from four nights ago!"

Erejean, she likes to call them. (_But only in my head. Stop judging, seriously._)

An apple core bounces off Sasha's head this time, bringing her attention over to Ymir. The girl rolls her eyes and spits, "Suck up your slobber. There is no Unresolved Sexual Tension in that exchange, any more than there is secret rivalry hate-love between Mikasa and Annie."

Sasha tilts her head at this new information and immediately settles into observation mode. While Jean and Eren are vocally expressing their extreme dislike for each other, Annie shovels oatmeal into her mouth and Mikasa… her face… is about as expressive as a block of concrete. A tiny cloud of exasperation puffs from her mouth once, but that's it. They're the complete opposite of Eren and Jean.

And maybe that's why…

"Stop teasing Sasha," Krista protests. "She's not—"

"Do you not see that drool? Shit, girl, don't launch your ships all over me. Sasha, look, that was supposed to be a joke. The most you'll be able to conclude from their facial expressions is that Annie doesn't give a fuck—big surprise there."

"Ymir!"

"And Mikasa? Who the hell knows what goes on in that girl's mind? She has the same damn face all the time! I swear, it's probably even her Big O Face." Ymir smiles mischievously as she stretches out her long legs.

"What is a Big O Face?" Sasha asks politely, though most of her attention is still on observing Mikasa's expressions as Eren moves out of his seat and stomps towards Jean angrily.

"This." Ymir stretches her right leg this time.

Krista stiffens very suddenly. "Oh! Ymir, not… now!" she hisses.

Ymir just smiles.

* * *

The scream of a goddess in passion brings a certain blonde back to life.

He gasps, momentarily choking on his own spit. His body is still paralyzed in lingering pain, but his blue eyes dart around frantically, assessing the situation. His last memories involve a shadowy monster, one with only a slight resemblance to Sasha, tearing into his body…

His cries for help go unheard for the next two hours, until his savior finally arrives in a glorious exhibition of sweet soap and wet, exposed skin.

* * *

_**Next chapter, in which Mikasa fights to win…**_

"_Have you seen yourself? You're covered in dirt and blood and sweat! And I'm pretty sure none of it is even yours."_

"_Correct. The green slime is mostly from Dazz's nose."_

"_Ugh. Go clean yourself up before you catch the ugly." _


	3. in Mikasa's life

**~ Mikasa Ackerman ~**

There's no way that Instructor Shadis can supervise all of them during the morning 10 kilometer run, so trainees often cheat by taking long rests in the forest and taking shortcuts through the abandoned factory later. Perhaps it's because they see endurance training as having no direct impact on their scores, and that's why they don't even try. And all those cowards are trying to be Military Police so they can retreat within Wall Sina and never fight again.

Mikasa occasionally attempts to rectify this lax behavior by duelling with the coward. It's for their own benefit, she assures herself; she's reinforcing their training. Samuel especially has become much more proficient in running and dodging while keeping screaming down to a minimum, and Millius manages to land a couple hits on her (but only because she purposely left herself open).

Still, it isn't long before she punches their lights out.

Dazz is the latest addition to a long line of bruised and bloody weaklings littering the abandoned factory. He squeals and runs when he spots her, but two steps and she has his leg in her death grip, dragging him back along the ground. His fingernails leave gouges in the concrete flooring and his face leaves a slime trail of tears and snot.

"Spar with me," she says calmly.

"No! Get away from me! Please!"

"Just show me that defensive stance we practiced yesterday. If you do it right, I won't be able to knock out your front teeth."

"I don't wanna die!"

"Save that phrase for a Titan encounter."

"Then at least spare the family jewels—eeeeeee!"

Dazz is the last straw; as soon as she's finished with him, Mikasa calls it quits and completes the short run from the abandoned factory back to the training grounds to check in with Instructor Shadis. She finishes with an hour and a half left to spare till lunch, so in the meanwhile, she decides that she'll take a quick shower, just to rinse off the sweat, tears, and blood (none of which are hers) off her body.

Fight. Fight and win.

But there's more to that. What she was doing in the abandoned factory—that was more like kicking ass. There wasn't any sort of training in that situation. She needs to spar with somebody who actually knows what they're doing.

(_Maybe I'll slip in a quick spar with Reiner before lunch. Less ass kicking, more actual fighting._)

She's pulling showering materials out of her trunk of possessions when Eren opens the door and shouts, "Armin?"

There are other girls lounging around in the cabin, but nobody screams, "Kyah! Pervert!" because they all think that Eren's more interested in killing Titans than finding out what puberty actually is. (Which is probably true, though Mikasa's heart refuses to believe it.) Some fangirls giggle until Mikasa looks at them expressionlessly, which they probably interpret as the Glare of Death and shut up appropriately.

"Eren," she says calmly, slinging her towel over one shoulder and giving him her full attention instead of diving deeper in her trunk to look for clean underpants. Although she washes her clothes on a regular basis and always makes sure that she has at least two clean sets of clothes, Mikasa could _swear_ that her number of panties is shrinking. Maybe another girl is mistakenly taking her clothes.

Eren thankfully adheres to the rules of not entering the dormitory of the opposite gender, and he remains in the doorway as he questions, "Have you seen Armin?"

"I didn't see him during the run."

"The run's over now," Eren says, "The problem is, I don't think he even started. I mean, I saw him when I woke up, but I lost him some time in between going to the bathroom and trading insults with Jean."

A couple fangirls twitter until Mikasa glances in their direction again.

Eren huffs, "Never mind, I'll find him."

"I'll help," Mikasa says, placing her towel on her bed and standing up.

"What? No!" protests Eren. "Have you seen yourself? You're covered in dirt and blood and sweat!" He rolls his eyes. "And I'm pretty sure none of it is even yours."

"Correct. The green slime is mostly from Dazz's nose."

Eren grimaces before turning his back on her and leaving the cabin. "Yeah. Go clean yourself up before you catch the ugly."

Mikasa sighs heavily before continuing her search for clean underwear; eventually, however, she must abandon her search for fear of smearing the grime on her hands all over her clean clothes. She'll just walk over in her dirty clothes, shower, and walk back wrapped in just her towel (and if any boy leers at her, she'll make sure to punch him in the face later.) Thus, with the large towel slung over one shoulder and a bar of soap held in her hand, she sets off for the girls' bathrooms.

Perhaps she should be worrying about Armin more, but she cannot imagine that he would be in any harm. Armin is nothing like Eren, who would eagerly throw himself into fist fights even if he had no chance of winning. Despite the weakness of his body, Armin possesses a strong mind and thus would know how to _not _put himself into danger. She trusts Armin to stay smart and protect himself by not doing stupid things, like trying to walk between Krista and Mama-Bear Ymir, or stealing Sasha's food. Heaven knows that girl becomes a rabid animal when deprived of sustenance, and that she can't be blamed for any damage she may cause in her blind rage.

The bathrooms are completely empty when Mikasa enters, so she doesn't bother shielding herself as she begins to shed her soiled clothes.

"Were you the one who beat up all those soldiers?"

The voice comes from directly behind her. Mikasa curses to herself silently, because she hadn't even heard the girl approach. Also, without looking, Mikasa knows who it is. It's the blonde girl who maliciously enjoys inflicting as much pain as she can onto Eren, all in the name of training—and even worse, Eren **looks forward **to it, and was furious the first few times Mikasa tried to save him. Mikasa's enemy #1: Annie Leonhart.

She doesn't turn around, instead shedding her blood-splattered shirt. "Who told you?"

"Reiner called me and Mina over to a hidden storage room in the abandoned factory. The few conscious survivors all had matching stories of a 'terrifying goddess with raven hair who effortlessly punched them in their unworthy faces'." Annie repeats these over-the-top words in a complete flat tone of sarcasm.

Mikasa finally turns around, but the words die on the tip of her tongue at Annie's complete lack of clothing, save for a rolled up towel hanging around her neck.

This should be normal. Annie has no sense of shame and openly strips in front of the entire cabin before slipping into bed. But Naked Annie has always been halfway across the sleeping quarters, so far away that she's barely taller than a few centimeters in Mikasa's vision. Now, Annie is literally standing fifty centimeters away, so close that Mikasa can just almost feel the puff of the blonde's breathing against her own skin.

For a second or two, she can do nothing but blink in shock.

That action might as well have been a sign of weakness, because a corner of Annie's mouth curls upwards ever so slightly. She settles into her unique fighting stance, fists held up close and in front of her face. "Spar with me."

It takes much more will than Mikasa expected to pull her eyes off the shock of Annie's body (is her chest really that small?) and pull herself together. "Not now," she says as calmly as she can manage, shedding her white trousers.

Annie's position doesn't change. "Now or never."

If you do not fight, you die.

Turns out she won't have to kick Reiner's ass after all. She can kill two birds with one stone by teaching Eren's abuser to never mess with her family. She hurriedly sheds the rest of her clothing; no sense in giving Annie something to grab onto.

Unfortunately, the monster doesn't let her get that far.

* * *

_**Next week: Up until this moment, Mikasa hadn't known that she was missing a piece of her heart. (It's not Annie.)**_

_"That… was just… Round 1. Trust me... I can keep going."_

_"Mikasa, what were you two—"_

_"NOTHING. Nothing happened."_


	4. in Mikannie's life

**~ Mikasa Ackerman ~**

Annie characteristically shows no shame when she grabs the center of Mikasa's sports bra to pull her straight into the path of a punch; Mikasa dodges this by dropping to the ground and sliding straight between Annie's legs. This move would have been impossible anywhere else, but the tiled floor of the showers is still slicked over with water, and Mikasa shoots underneath Annie much faster than she expected. When Annie tries to unclench her fingers from around Mikasa's clothing, Mikasa just grabs onto Annie's hand instead. With this as leverage, she uses her hip muscles to jack knife her legs straight in the air and over her own head, essentially performing a back flip.

And she would have landed on her feet too, if Annie didn't ruin it by throwing her booty backwards and right into Mikasa's path. As such, Mikasa somehow awkwardly sits on Annie's upper back, all off-balance and unsure of what to do. Annie does buckle slightly underneath the weight, but she compensates soon enough with her hands, transforming the situation into a throw.

A year of 3D Maneuver Gear training has given Mikasa excellent aerial awareness, and even as Annie drives Mikasa headfirst towards the unforgiving tile, Mikasa is still able to manipulate her position enough so that she spreads the impact over her upper back instead of her head and neck. The momentum carries her body over her head and she does a backwards somersault back onto her feet.

She doesn't dive headlong into the fight again; that recklessness is only Eren's style. Instead, she takes a moment to observe Annie's positioning of her body. It's the same as it always is: fists up high around her face, acting as a defense guard to her weakest points. Her punches aren't anything to brag about and it shows in the muscles of her arms and shoulders: present but not powerful. No, her strength lies in her legs, supported by the muscle groups in her lower back, her abdominals, her glutes and quads and hamstrings. Mikasa can see them rippling underneath Annie's bare skin, just poised to strike in that perfect time.

If Mikasa ever places herself in the wrong position, she's going to get a high speed foot in the face.

Mikasa likes her face.

That's why she has to observe every inch of Annie's body, her posture, her fighting style.

(_Sasha would draw some horrible conclusions from this…_)

"HAAAALP SASHA'S GOT ME munmpblekniwslmcios…"

Mikasa's attention is immediately diverted away from her in-depth study of Annie's taut muscles and out the nearest window. The glass is frosted and meant to deter peeping toms, but now it prevents her from clearly seeing what's going on outside; still, she can just barely make out a small brunette figure dragging a blonde off into the woods. For a full second, all she can think of is (_w__as that Armin? Is Armin in trouble?_)

And then Annie's foot smashes into the side of her head and all she can think of is (_OUCH __that was definitely Annie and I am definitely in trouble—_)

Then she realizes that her head has **not** disconnected from her body and splattered against the nearest wall. See, Annie's kicks have the power to break bones, but now Mikasa's only problem is that she feels like she ran headfirst into a wall. Multiple times.

"Keep your head in the game," murmurs Annie. "If I was truly trying to take your life, you would be dead. Don't get distracted."

"Damn monster," Mikasa gripes, steadying herself against the wall and standing slowly. Hurting Eren, now sparring with her, it's like…

(_It's like she gets off on fighting_)

And now it makes her blood boil that Annie **held back **on her—that in an activity that brings Annie extreme pleasure, she restrained herself from going all out because she didn't think Mikasa could take it, as if she was a weakling who couldn't handle her full strength. Plus the monster took advantage of her in a moment of humanity, when she momentarily forgot about herself in favor of family—

Armin!

…But Annie first. She has to end Annie now.

"Treat the world as your enemy when you fight," Annie coaches quietly as Mikasa recovers. "Otherwise you will never win, and you will never be able to go home."

Home. Eren. His mother—her second mother. Armin. Mikasa grits her teeth, steeling her muscles in preparation to fight, to knock Annie out and run outside and save Armin from another abusive lady, one who is probably at this very instant inflicting pain that the little blonde does **not **enjoy, and Armin is at his wit's end trying to think up some clever way of winning what would otherwise be a long and drawn-out fight.

If Armin was in Mikasa's shoes, what would he do? Slick shower floors are all around her, with Annie blocking her only escape and nothing but their fists and legs as weapons. It's just her and Annie, alone within this tiny space; and with lunch coming up soon, Mikasa can't rely on other girls as witnesses, meat shields, or distractions.

But Armin would make do with what he had with him. Even if the environment was unfavorable, Armin would still manage to turn it to his advantage. He might not be strong, but he has an incredible mind and can pick out the finest details—like what Mikasa could possibly use right now as a weapon, even if it's something that wouldn't normally be considered as a weapon. Her sports bra? Too flimsy, and Annie's already stretched it out so that it's lost its elasticity. A showerhead? Some of them are so old and leaky that she probably wouldn't have much of a problem yanking it off the wall, but could she do it before Annie got her?

A half-baked plan begins formulating in her head as she rushes Annie. Annie plays the defensive, dodging Mikasa's jabs, the tiniest smile on her lips (which is more than Mikasa has ever seen coming from her, and this is coming from the oriental with a great poker face). Hurting Annie isn't Mikasa's goal, though; as soon as she gets within reach of her towel, she grabs it and runs. Annie immediately gives tail, chasing her into the shower room. Mikasa listens closely to the pounding her pursuer's feet, judging Annie's distance by hearing alone

(_wind roaring in ears while flying between trees using 3D Maneuver Gear, somersaulting in midair, sensing team members and obstacles alike solely by listening_)

Her twisted-up towel is nothing like the piston-shot grapple hook, but she uses it in the same way by looping it around the leakiest showerhead and using it to swing herself as high as she can into the air. Her running momentum brings her forward and upwards, during which she twists herself around to face Annie, faking a kick. Annie mirrors her earlier dodge by falling onto her back and skidding along the ground, but she also coils her legs like a spring, preparing to kick Mikasa as the girl begins her descending swing.

Annie lets out a grunt (or is it a moan) when she fires her legs like a piston, kicking Mikasa's ass very thoroughly and it** hurts **really bad… but it's worth it, because Annie is distracted just a bit by the success of her attack and didn't notice that Mikasa had also put all her weight into her drop. Water explodes into the shower room as the showerhead snaps off the wall; simultaneously, Mikasa unfurls her towel and throws it at Annie, who's just getting back to her feet. Between those two distractions, encompassing the senses of sight, sound, touch, and temperature, Annie's attention is just slightly diverted—long enough for Mikasa to explode through all of that and plant her fist right in the blonde's face.

Oh, that feels good—and even better when Mikasa lets out a scream of passion.

With Annie knocked off balance, Mikasa takes the opportunity to grab Annie's head and slam it into the wall behind them for good measure, then wrap her wet towel around her enemy's face and shove it into the nearest toilet. Popping bubbles are the only sounds from Annie that reach Mikasa's ears, and it is **glorious**.

Annie has even more determination than Eren has, because she struggles for all she's worth. Still, with the 15 extra kilograms of muscle that she has over her opponent, Mikasa holds Annie down until the blonde double-taps her frantically. She then releases her hold and rips her towel off her enemy's face, creating a spinning momentum that sends the blonde toppling onto the tiled floor, too weak to do anything more than gasp for oxygen.

For just a second, Mikasa feels the irresistable need to beat her chest and roar in triumph over Annie's heaving, ravished body.

...Instead, she maintains her cool countenance, wraps her soaked towel around her naked torso, walks out of the bathroom stall with a perfectly calm expression, and runs straight into Hannah.

"Mi—Mikasa!" stutters Hannah, stumbling back a meter or so. "Uh… I heard a scream, so I came to investigate…"

Mikasa places a silencing finger onto Hannah's quivering lips. In the ensuing silence, all that can be heard is Annie's desperate panting in the background. "Nothing happened."

In the background, Annie sucks in a breath and coughs out, "That… was just… Round 1. Trust me... I can keep going."

A tiny, traitorous voice in the back of Mikasa's mind whispers that she wouldn't object to a Round 2; **but** family comes first; Armin needs help. She needs to—

Hannah's voice tears into her thoughts. "Mikasa, what were you two—"

She stares deep into Hannah's eyes, using the absolutely blank expression that sometimes makes the younger girls wet their panties at night. "**Nothing** **happened.**"

Hannah nods silently, so Mikasa grabs her boots and races outside. Unfortunately, she forgets the fact that it is literally impossible for Hannah to keep her mouth shut.

* * *

The bandages on her wrist were soaked by her shower fight and are unraveling now. MIkasa pulls a loose end tighter, concealing it again as she searches the forest wearing only her boots and towel. However, when she searches the forest nearby the bathroom, there aren't any signs of a violent struggle, or the trail of Sasha dragging a body off into the woods.

The truth is that she's almost beginning to doubt ever hearing Armin. She hadn't _seen_ him; there are no windows in the girls' restrooms. She'd only assumed it was Armin because she didn't know of anybody else who would call for help. Maybe Annie's kick in the head had jostled some of her memories and messed up her judgment.

Maybe the kick in her head is why she's also thinking about... things she's never considered before. Like... feeling like she'd been missing an integral part of her life, up until her battle with Annie. Now, searching the woods for somebody who may not even be in trouble, wearing a skimpy towel-dress that only reaches mid-thigh (though it keeps slipping)… Mikasa almost feels stupid.

Maybe the urgency of the moment had been from the thrill of that fight and not from her desire to help Armin…

"Ow! Wah! Not there!** Anywhere but there!**"

"But it tastes so good!"

That last one was Sasha's voice. Mikasa sprints in that direction, barely noticing where her feet are landing, as she sprints in the direction of the screams and muffled crying. Her protectiveness shoots to the forefront again as she imagines Armin, writhing in pain as Sasha violates him—

She puts on a burst of speed when she catches sight of a blonde hanging upside down from a tree by one foot. His hands are tied behind his back, and the other untied leg kicks spasmodically as a brunette with glowing red eyes grabs his head with both hands and slobbers all over his face.

Mikasa kicks Sasha out of the way before she can ruin the beautiful face of…

Thomas?

"Mikasaaaaa!" Thomas wails in gratitude. He blubbers a couple more words, but Mikasa's too busy mentally ramming her head into a mental wall. She should have realized that Armin's voice hasn't dropped yet. She should have realized that, even from a distance and through frosted glass, the blonde figure was much, much larger than Armin could ever be. But... she does realize that Thomas is the only one here. Armin is not. Sasha would only prey upon one person, right? Then surely Thomas would understand that sometimes a single death can save many lives.

"Wait—Mikasa, where are you going? Help me! No! Don't leeeeave meeeee! Ouch! Sasha, no! Mikasaaaa…"

Mikasa's going to find Annie. After all, women don't have refractory periods—she should be up and roaring for Round Two.

* * *

_**Next time: Reiner's cleavage is discovered…**_

"_How can a stud like you have such soft moobs?"_


	5. in Reiner's life

**~ Reiner Braun ~**

The carnage really wasn't as bad as the local gossip is making it out to be. When Reiner and Annie stumbled upon the heap of moaning, bloody bodies in the abandoned factory, he had set Annie to watch over them as he reported back to Instructor Shadis. The teacher subsequently dismissed him, and though he protested, he eventually had to trust that Annie would still be helping their wounded companions until the camp's medics reached them.

Plus Reiner really needed to change shirts, as one of his fellow comrades had thrown up on him the moment he tried to help.

He sheds his puke-covered shirt the moment he's entered the privacy of the 104th squad boys' dormitories. Ugh. He'll have to get Bertolt to clean this up. (Not saying that he shoves all his dirty work onto his best friend, but Bertl offered, and it's not like he's gonna refuse, right?)

He's searching through his trunk for clean clothes when he hears muffled sobbing. Glancing upwards, he scans the room—and finds the source almost immediately, a quivering lump underneath his bed's blankets: Dazz. Out of everybody in the squad, Dazz is almost as physically incapable as Armin is; however, what sets Armin leagues above Dazz is that Armin excels at physics and logical analysis, whereas Dazz is just… normal.

Dazz is just a normal human. He wears his heart on his sleeve, openly displays terror and rage and panic and anguish—all the very, very human emotions that Reiner wishes he could express and not cover up underneath impenetrable plates of armor.

He gets to his feet but then hesitates… because he still hasn't found a shirt, and he's noticed Dazz staring before. And it's not like Reiner doesn't appreciate other guys checking out his hot bod—even he can't help but take a moment to admire himself every once in a while—but… uh… well… Dazz isn't his type.

(_who could love that monkey butt face_)

"Dazz?" A freckled boy with a wide forehead appears out of nowhere, seating himself next to the shaking, moaning lump that is Dazz. "Tell me what's wrong. Talk to me."

(_Question answered, thank you Marco Bodt_)

"Marcoooo… Mikatha punthed me in tha mouth and I thwallowed on my two thront teeth."

Marco pats the top of the quivering pile of blankets. "I'm sorry, Dazz. Do you think you'll still be able to eat lunch? You can sit with me and Jean."

With Dazz properly taken care of, Reiner resumes digging in his trunk. Unfortunately, even after searching through his dirty pile, he can't find anything that doesn't reek of **man**. Which is totally okay in a cabin full of dudes, but he wouldn't ever want to subject Krista to that.

Krista deserves only the best.

So he steals one of Bertl's shirts. The guy washes his clothes almost every day **because **he never stops sweating, so it's practically guaranteed that Reiner could steal one or two without putting his friend at too much of a disadvantage. They're about the same height, so it should fit fine, right?

He forgets that he has particularly wide shoulders and that Bertolt is much leaner than he is: thus the shirt stretches tight over his torso, outlining the bulge of every muscle in his chest and shoulders. It's so beautiful that it makes Reiner shed a single tear of joy (though he also has to make a conscious effort to breathe because the shirt is so tight... but hey, details). If Krista could see him now…

Maybe he can catch Krista in front of the mess hall! They still have half an hour till lunch, but the majority of the squad members usually gather around outside and chit-chat until the food's ready. He rushes outside, so lost in his daydream that he doesn't notice Sasha until her face is ricocheting off his chest. Of course, because he **is **100 kg of pure muscle, he moves back by maybe half a centimeter; still, ever the gentleman, he grabs and anchors her before she can bounce too far. "Whoa there, Sasha," he grins. "You okay?"

Sasha doesn't move a muscle for a couple seconds. Her eyes are glued to his chest, so Reiner half-jokingly, half-narcissistically flexes. When she finally turns her face up towards him, her expression is one of pure wonder. "You too?"

"I'm fine," he assures her, unflexing (and discreetly gasping for air; wow this shirt is constricting). "I was just more concerned about—"

"Fine?" Sasha exclaims. "You're _more _than just fine! You're…" And then, for no apparent reason, she places her hands on his chest, fingers splayed across as far as they can reach. Even then, her small hands don't even encompass the entirety of his pectorals.

Admiring the art is just fine in Reiner's books; touching it, however, is a step too far (even if it is Sasha, who, along with Eren, hasn't even **heard **of the birds-and-the-bees talk). Reiner takes a step backwards, but Sasha merely steps forward one and keeps her hands in place. "Eh, Sasha..."

He's in for a shock when, upon taking another step back, Sasha mirrors it with another step forward. It's almost as if she's reading his mind because she moves at the **exact** same time that he does, even though her eyes are trained solely on his chest—and then she starts **massaging** and **poking** and Reiner's is more shocked that Sasha is being so aggressive with something that isn't food, rather than the fact that she's copping a feel. "Hey, Sasha, could you not—"

"This is… _damn._ CONNIE!"

Connie magically materializes from behind Reiner's back. "Yeah?"

Sasha grabs Connie's hand and guides it to Reiner's left pec. "They're just as bouncy as mine!"

"Wha… what are you—"

Connie's eyes widen slowly. "Reiner, how can a stud like you have such soft **moobs**_?_"

Reiner frantically backpedals, but Connie and Sasha pursue him doggedly, their hands only leaving him to grab other evaluators.

* * *

**~ Eren Yeager ~**

After an hour of fruitless searching, Eren finally admits that he might need help in locating Armin Arlert. Since Mikasa is showering, Eren reluctantly seeks his next best bet: Hannah. The redhead just seems to know **everything** that happens within the personal lives of everybody on the 104th squad; sometimes it's like she knows what's going to happen before it even happens. He usually ignores the excited chatter she shares with Mina, Krista, and some of the other nameless girls among their squad, usually because said nameless girls also tend to swoon whenever Jean's nearby, and Eren doesn't need to deal with that kind of crap.

But his past search has turned up empty. Armin hadn't been hiding out in his usual locations: the classrooms were deserted, the tiny library was abandoned, the mess hall was still closed, and the boys' dormitory was empty (well, Dazz might have been hiding in his bed, but Eren gives exactly zero fucks there).

Nobody had mistaken Armin for a lady and shoved him in the girls' dormitory either.

When he approaches Hannah at her usual gossip hangout at the jungle gym between the boys' dormitory and the mess hall, she just so happens to drop Armin's name. Eren immediately leans in to hear more.

"Sasha's getting desperate!" Hannah intones softly as if telling a ghost story. "Bread isn't cutting it for her anymore—she's moved onto small children!"

Mina gasps in horror, then wrinkles her brow in confusion. "Wait a second, we don't have any children here!"

Hannah jerks her head in one girl's direction. "**Some** of us aren't officially teenagers yet," she says ominously. "Some of us haven't had that special occurrence."

The girl in question covers her mouth with her hands. "Wah, I want my period!"

"Said no one ever," Mina grumbles quietly. Eren figures that whatever a period is, it must be pretty bad. Maybe he'll ask Mikasa about it. Or Armin, whenever Eren finds him. Armin tends to know a lot about everything.

"Sasha's looking for very tender flesh," Hannah grins wickedly. "Think… Armin."

"Oh, his skin's so soft!"

"I would die to have skin as moisturized as his!"

"She'll suck him dry and eat him out!"

"She might already have," whispers Hannah. "I saw her dragging his unconscious body off into the woods."

Eren explods into the center of their exclusive circle then, sending gossiping girls flying in all directions. "**Where**?" he thundered. "**Where did she take Armin**?"

Hannah flinches slightly, but she informs him, "Into the forest behind the girls' dormitory about two hours ago." Her voice drops to a low whisper. "I'm sorry, Eren. I know that it was supposed to be you and not Sasha who sucked—"

Connie materializes out of nowhere and snatches Eren away before he can hear the rest of Hannah's sentence (which Eren is eternally grateful for). "Forget about shota love, man, you've got to check **this **out!"

* * *

**~ Marco Bodt ~**

Dazz leans heavily on Marco as they walk to the mess hall.

His friend is just a little more fragile, okay? Both in heart and body. Because Dazz is easily injured, he needs somebody to support him, to keep him alive and on the battlefield, and Marco will gladly be that person. He's that friend to others too—people like Armin, like Franz, like Connie and Mina and Jean. He'll listen and talk and comfort and love because that's how his widowed mother raised him: to weave a strong network of family and friends, all supporting each other, all keeping each other alive and happy whether they're within the safety of the walls or in the killing fields of the Titans.

Mikasa really did a number on Dazz, apparently; with all the weight that Dazz is putting on him, she might as well have broken his leg. However, since Dazz had put his boots back on without much difficulty earlier, Marco is more inclined to think that Dazz might be faking injury in order to get physically closer to him. Which is okay, he guesses, but Marco's going more at brotherly love… oh well.

Still, by the time they reach the mess hall, Marco is practically carrying Dazz, bridal-style. When Mina chuckles, winks at him, and turns away to giggle with Hannah, the air around Marco rockets up a couple hundred degrees.

Ahem. Uh. Mina. Brotherly love. Totally.

"Marcooooo!" Sasha comes blazing out of nowhere, yanking one hand out from underneath Dazz. The other boy stumbles slightly and gasps in pain, and Marco momentarily snatches his hand away from Sasha to support him.

"Sorry, Sasha, but I'm a little busy—"

"This is important, Marco. I mean it!"

"Another OTP sighting?" (He doesn't remember what it stands for, but it's code for the entire table of potential relationships that Sasha confessed to him about once at three in the morning. It's pretty much her greatest secret besides the location of her food stash, which Marco has also faithfully kept confidential.)

"No, this is more life-changing than that! Mind-blowing!"

Marco furrows his brow. "The soy chickens went on strike and the mess hall has to serve real meat now?"

Sasha pulls up fistfuls of her hair in frustration. "I can't explain it! You have to **touch** it to know it." She holds out her hand, this time respectfully waiting for him to take it. "Com'on, Marco! I need you to help me with this! You're the best judge out of all of us, especially because I know you're not a pervert!"

Of course, the moment she says this, Marco's mind reflexively thinks up a million perverted things before he manages to shut them away again. Putting on a pure face of innocent concern, he turns his attention to his weak companion. "Dazz, can you stand alone? For me?"

Dazz's eyes wobble regretfully, but before the other boy can sadly protest, Ymir swoops out of nowhere and claps Dazz on the shoulder. "Sure he can," his also-freckled female comrade growls. "Riiiight, Dazz?"

Dazz nods frantically.

Marco smiles warmly. "Thanks, Dazz." Then, as an afterthought, he aims to land a quick, comforting kiss on Dazz's forehead.

Before he can make contact, though, Sasha interrupts, "Wait, you probably need a comparison! Remember, I'm only doing this because you aren't a pervert," and guides his hand onto a soft part of her body.

Marco's mind is suddenly very much **not** thinking about comforting Dazz. "Show me this important thing, Sasha," he growls, whirling to face her. "**Show me now.**"

* * *

_**Next time:** **Jean seems to have landed himself in the middle of a drool-worthy chestfest**._

_"And I see that you're still trying to cop a feel of Reiner's boobs, but you're not even going to spare a glance at Annie's? At this rate, Sasha's going to ship you with everybody."_


	6. in Jean's life

**~ Reiner Braun ~**

The very little air that is in Reiner's constricted lungs is squeezed out of him as four bodies shove him against the outside wall of the mess hall. "The hell?!" he gasps. "Com'on, guys… *huff*… this is going too far…"

"See?" Sasha says excitedly. "See?"

"Not too firm," Marco observes, pinching firmly. "But not too squishy either."

Connie slurps up his slobber. "Uh, Sasha… can I also compare…?"

Sasha punches his face so hard into Reiner's cleavage that he bounces off on impact. Marco catches him before he falls to the ground.

Reiner almost sighs in relief when Eren steps up and sweeps the tangle of grabbing hands away—until he slaps Reiner's chest, hard.

A beat of silence.

Then, in awestruck admiration, Eren whispers, "**They jiggle_."_**

"That is **fine_._**"

"**Dayum_._**"

* * *

**~ Jean Kircshtein ~**

Jean's in the middle of recounting to the quiet giant Bertolt a particularly clamorous argument that he had won against Eren when a familiar voice calls his name; the rest of this sentence is drowned out by an excited mix of shouted words and… moans?

Jean pauses. "Hey, Bertl… Who was that?"

A bead of sweat that's been stubbornly clinging to Bertolt's forehead for the past ten minutes finally breaks free and runs its way down his large nose. "Uh… I think it was Marco."

Sure enough, Marco's voice rings into Jean's ears seconds later; the boy himself, however, remains unseen. "Jean! Com'ere! You have to check this out!"

Jean follows the noises around the corner of the mess hall and just barely manages to keep his cool face on when he spots Connie, Sasha, Eren, and Marco pressing the hulking Reiner tightly up against the wall.

"This meat has bounce to it," Connie says eagerly.

"N-n-no… Bertl…" Reiner's chest heaves as he pants heavily. Seriously, is he **blushing**?

Sasha's eyes shine as she interrogates, "Is the reason why you let him wear your clothes because you're the one tearing his off in—?"

Marco uses a single finger to gently push Sasha's chin up in order to shut her mouth. "What she means to say is… uh… Bertl?"

Marco, Sasha, and Connie are staring—not at him, but behind him… at Bertolt. Jean turns around and immediately notices the dark, violent aura suddenly surrounding the quiet giant. His head is bowed towards the ground as if he has been betrayed.

Eren, who is as oblivious as usual, distracts Jean from the horror that he is feeling when he insists, "Jean, I know that you immediately disagree with anything I have to say, but I swear that you have to feel this."

Jean rolls his eyes but approaches Marco. "Whatever. Fondling another man's cleavage is nothing to get excited—HOLY #$&% REINER WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING FROM US."

Even through the tight, binding cloth, there's definitely something squishy underneath there. Squishy and spongy and bouncy and…

"St…st-st-stop… ugh… I…"

A ring of black flames suddenly explode to life at Bertolt's feet, swarming around his body as he lifts his head jerkily like a broken robot. His eyes appear to be glowing red. "Reiner…"

Jean finally comprehends that Reiner's wearing Bertolt's shirt, which is probably like three sizes too small; plus it probably doesn't help that the bulky blonde has four hands shoving his chest in. He's literally gasping for breath and his cheeks are red because he's **suffocating**. "Hey, hands off the man, pee-wee pee-pee," he growls, slapping Connie's hand down while shoving Eren away with a little more force than is necessary.

"The hell was that for, Jean?" Eren barks.

"I swear there's something in the water," grumbles Connie. "It's not me, Sasha. It's the water."

Jean turns his attention to Bertolt in an effort to cover Reiner's ass, only to discover that Bertolt's vanished without a trace.

Marco pulls Sasha off as well, and Reiner slides down onto his butt, holding his sides and gasping for air. "Ah… Uh… thanks, Jean."

Jean doesn't hear this, however, because his attention has been captured by another spectacle much more valuable than Reiner's surprisingly soft and large cleavage: Mikasa Ackerman, wearing next to nothing.

Well, she has a towel wrapped tightly around her chest that falls all the way to just above her knees, but every once in a while, a slit on the side opens and reveals a lot more leg and hip than Jean has ever seen before in his life and **it is fantastic**.

Even better, she's currently in the midst of a fight with Annie Leonhart, who is also wearing her towel as a sleeveless dress. Annie has a lot more blonde hair than he expected, and though it's stuck together in wet clumps, it still swings around violently as she attacks Mikasa with fast and fierce kicks (that also reveal surprisingly long **legs**). Mikasa, on the other hand, nimbly leaps about, light on her feet, her body flowing along with her arms like a continuous flow of air and water before putting her all into forceful punches.

The two toweled girls are so focused on each other that they seem to barely notice their fellow trainees' reactions… like the glob of saliva trying to drip its way out of Jean's mouth. He self-consciously tries to slurp it up, only to realize that Eren has already noticed. Actually, why isn't Eren paying any attention to the half-naked battle of women happening right in front of him (_what is wrong with this kid_)_—_

"That's my sister you're drooling over," Eren says pointedly.

Oh.

Oh yeah.

"And I see that you're still trying to cop a feel of Reiner's boobs," Jean counters, "But you're not even going to spare a glance at Annie's? At this rate, Sasha's going to ship you with **everybody**."

Eren snatches away the hand that had, up until Jean's mention, been discreetly pinching Reiner's right nipple—but not quick enough to avoid Sasha's eyes. Unexpectedly, though, Sasha doesn't tease Eren; instead, she turns to Jean solemnly. "There's only one OTP for Eren," she says with absolute certainty. "Regardless of who's feeling who up."

(_Uhhhh okay is OTP some secret code for something and do I __**want**__ to know what it means_)

(_No probably not_)

Reiner gasps as the last hand inflicting pain upon him is removed. "Hey, that's not fair," he chuckles lightly, using his large hands to both massage all parts of his violated chest and to protect from any other possible investigating hands. "I just have more cleavage than Annie and Mikasa combined. Erm, though I'm not saying that I have big man tits or anything. Mine are completely normal! It's just… well, it's not Annie's or Mikasa's fault that they were born with pathetically small chests."

Said girls suddenly freeze in their epic battle. As one, they turn to face Reiner, moving jerkily like broken robots, their eyes hidden by deep shadow.

Jean, Marco, Eren, Connie, and Sasha quickly vacate the area, leaving Reiner exposed.

"I… uh… Annie, I didn't… and Mikasa, don't—AAAIIIEEEEEEeeeeee…"

Moving as a single unit, the combined forces of Annie and Misaka's high kick is just enough to launch Reiner's body all the way up into space.

Neither girl misses a beat after that though; Mikasa throws a right hook at Annie while her long leg is still in the air, and Annie swivels around and brings her leg straight down towards Mikasa's head in an axe kick.

They make contact at the exact same time: Annie's heel on Mikasa's shoulder and neck as the black-haired girl tilts her head at the last second, and Mikasa's fist straight into Annie's boob (which is indeed much smaller than Reiner's). Mikasa falls to her knees as Annie loses her balance and stumbles back a meter or two. However, though Mikasa's entire body seems to curl around her injured shoulder, Annie appears to be worse for the wear when, as she stands, her towel shifts.

Mikasa's forceful punch has apparently loosened the knot holding Annie's towel to her body. In front of the entire 104th trainees' squad, Annie's white towel drifts downwards as if in slow motion, revealing the entirety of her back and just a little bit of her—

A tiny blonde bomb explodes into action, halting the descent of Annie's towel just in time. With desperate tears in her eyes, Krista looks around at all her male squadmates and begs, "Look away, please!"

Jean doesn't avert his gaze; after all, he isn't even looking at Annie! He only has eyes for Mikasa—namely, how her towel is just parted enough to show up outer thigh, and how the lack of sports bra allows her to fully display the glory of her chest…

"Ah!"

"Waugh!"

"Ow, my spleen!"

Jean is too late to notice the bodies flying into the air before the monster has twisted his arm behind his back and forced him to his knees in submission. The muscled and freckled beast shoves him over and pins his torso to the ground by straddling his hips, holding his head in place by weaving a hand through his hair.

(_Marco?_)

(_wow why is it so hot suddenly_)

Unfortunately, to his horror and fear, it's Ymir and not Marco who growls, "Didn't you hear what Krista said?"

"I was looking at Mikasaaaa—" is all he manages to get out before Ymir makes him eat dirt.

* * *

**_Author's Note_**_: Soooo... I bought Pokemon Y over the weekend, so that's pretty much swallowed my life - but I maintained my obsession with the SnK world by naming my entire team after the characters! See, a__t the very beginning when you're choosing you're choosing your character, the boy totally looked like **Armin**... and that the final form of the water starter wears a red scarf... and it all just kicked off from there._

_My current party  
**Mikasa **__the greninja, __a wickedly fast frog wearing a red scarf.__  
_**___Eren _**___the flygon, ____who worked his way up from an ant to a dragon._**_  
__Annie_**___, who ____was supposed to be a ____psychic fighter (gallade) but instead turned into a fairy (gardevoir)____. Yes, I know that means that she's anatomically male, but she asks that you respect her life choices._**_  
Bertl _**_the venasaur, __a massive, poisonously flowery dinosaur.  
**Reiner** the tyrantrum, a tank of a T-rex with killer attack power.  
**Ymir** the doublade, a haunted sword with crazy speed._

_Previous members  
**Krista** the pikachu! 'Nuff said. I really didn't want to abandon her, but I needed somebody who could fly.  
**Marco **the drifloon, __a ghost balloon who'll fly away if you don't hold onto him (huehuehue)._ He was going to be my flyer until I found Jean.  
_**Jean **the hawlucha, a speedy bird with fighting spirit. He was my choice of air travel up until I saw the potential in Eren the ant._

_No Connie yet. **Mina** was a flower fairy that I had for a while just because I wanted a fairy, but then Annie happened. Also I caught a female snorlax and had to call her **Sasha**._

___Tell me I'm awesome._

* * *

_**Next time: when nobody seems to care about how Connie was just violated, he seeks revenge.**_

"_Okay, Mikasa, just watch me. Tell me this isn't erotic!" _


	7. in Connie's life

**~ Connie Springer ~**

If one was to enter a room filled with the members of the 104th Trainees' Squad, one would notice a few people straight away. If there was a table with snacks to the side, then one would immediately notice Sasha vacuuming up the food there. If Marco and Armin had not succeeded in keeping Eren and Jean apart, then one would probably walk in on Erejean rolling about on the floor, punching and scratching and biting each other. If Ymir had not gotten any last night, then the freckled monster would be teasingly touchy-feely with everybody until Krista arrived to pull her off of an awkward Armin, or a sweaty Bertolt, or a silently uncomfortable Annie.

All of the above are individual situations that only happen when certain conditions are met. However, there is one person that somebody will always notice no matter the situation, because of his booming laughter and friendly attitude, the love that he shows for everybody (even people like Dazz) and the ways he shows it through a high five, a clap on the back, a sideways one-arm hug.

That person is Reiner Braun.

And by extension, Bertolt Hoover.

It's not because Bertolt is particularly talkative or outgoing. It's just that the quiet giant is always hiding in Reiner's shadow; everywhere Reiner is, Bertolt is also. Reiner lives and loves as loudly and proudly as possible and Bertolt… he's just there, sweating more than he talks.

Except for today.

Today, Bertolt is actually talking. Instead of sitting at his usual table, he moves around from table to table, asking people questions. Well, actually, just one question.

_Have you seen Reiner?_

Nobody has the guts to tell him that everybody thinks that Reiner is dead.

Jean reports that Bertolt left before Mikannie (Sasha's terminology, not Connie's) booted Reiner into outer space. And while some have been waiting in suspense for the hulking blonde to tumble back out of the sky, many have suggested that the foot up the ass from the combined forces of the two most dangerous people in the camp was so powerful that Reiner's head exploded. Others say that, while it's possible that Reiner survived the kick itself, it was enough to launch him straight into heaven (which is great, because he's a great guy). Finally, most say that Reiner **has** landed already, only he's landed outside the walls and was instantly devoured by Titans.

This last theory makes Eren shed tears of rage and swear to kill every Titan all over again.

In Connie's opinion, though, Reiner's alive and well. Reiner's too awesome to die! He's seriously like everybody's big brother, he can't die. He's… he's like an armored tank. Wide and heavyset and can take a serious beating—that's Reiner. He can survive getting his ass kicked, even if it was by two very powerful ladies. He can survive rocketing all the way up to the pearly gates, whereupon he'll decide that he misses his friends and turn around and come right back. He'll survive the landing too. And then he'll just walk right back into the mess hall and grab his lunch and everything will be all normal again.

"Where's Reiner?" Eren yelps indignantly when Bertolt stops at their table. "Tell me where Armin is first and I'll tell you about Reiner."

A drop of nervous sweat trickles down the side of Bertolt's face. "I… I haven't seen Armin all day."

"Well that makes two of us," says Eren grumpily, turning his back on Bertolt.

Connie grins apologetically at Bertolt. "Sorry, man."

Mikasa doesn't say anything—she's too busy staring… not at Eren, actually. That's weird. She's sitting next to Eren, yeah, and while that usually bugs Eren because Mikasa acts like she needs to protect him all the time, he isn't bothered now because Mikasa is too busy staring at someone else.

Connie leans backwards, following Mikasa's line of vision… right to Annie.

Annie stares right back at her. Even though she's obviously not looking at Connie, her piercing ice blue eyes seem to stare straight into his soul, picking out every single one of his insecurities so quickly that he reflexively flinches away. The sudden, violent movement doesn't distract Mikasa in the slightest; her face, as usual, maintains its expressionless gaze as impenetrable as a block of concrete.

Connie observes them for another full minute. Ignoring their staring contest, the two girls act completely normal in spooning food up to their mouths, tearing into bread loaves with their teeth, and wiping up spills with napkins. However, the entire time, they never blink, never break contact, never back down.

Huh.

(_So Hannah's rumors might be true…_)

(_Not the Sasha eating Armin thing, that's just ridiculous_)

(_But Mikasa and Annie establishing dominance in a bathroom stall…_)

This isn't a completely new concept either. It's the first time that ladies have gotten it on by themselves. The camp is pretty strict about separation of sexes, but they don't bother within the genders themselves. Connie knows this because of loud nighttime activities between experimenting members of his cabin that have forced him to take long midnight walks... which coincidentally take him right past the girls' dormitories.

Most frequently underneath the window close to Krista's bed, because he can count on something happening there at least three times a week.

(_Com'on, gimme a break_)

While some people have no problem forming cuddle puddles (_curse you, Eren/Armin and Bertolt/Reiner_) or getting around (_every single time, Marco's excuse for his late night excursions are, "Just listening to a friend"… Psh yeah right_), Connie's still woefully single. He's got nobody.

Well, maybe Sasha, but sometimes it seems like she's more interested in bread. Once, she showed him how to skin and gut a rabbit. She even presented him with its bloody heart afterwards, a wide grin on her face. Combined with the blood that coated her arms and speckled her cheeks, she looked absolutely insane. He's still not sure what to think about her gift… or what she means to him. She just… she has this effect on him. Every time he thinks about her, his body just reacts a certain way.

Mostly, he gets hungry. Like, reaaaaally hungry.

Since Mikasa is too busy staring at Annie, maybe she won't notice if he steals her half-eaten loaf of bread…

The moment his fingers alight upon her bread, she slaps his wrist and he flinches backwards.

(_Whoa how did she do that_)

For a couple seconds, he doesn't move. Mikasa doesn't say a word, instead resuming her staring contest with Annie.

(_Maybe that was just a fluke…_)

Hesitantly, Connie reaches forward again—only for Mikasa to slap his wrist again, in the exact same place.

(_Holy cows, it's like she has eyes in the back of her head_)

(_Probably from watching over the Boy-Who-Wants-To-Die for so long_)

Well, his stomach is really grumbling now, and his single dinner roll isn't going to cut it. He clears his throat loudly to catch Mikasa's attention. "Uh, Mikasa… Are you done with tha—"

In one lightning-fast motion, Mikasa sweeps her bread loaf off the table without breaking eye contact with Annie and shoves it towards his mouth. However, she shows that she **is** an imperfect human when she misses his mouth and stabs him in the eye instead.

"Ouch!"

"Whoops," Mikasa murmurs quietly as she reaches over with her other hand to grab the front of Connie's shirt, reel him in, and hold him in a headlock while she stuffs her baguette in his mouth, all while maintaining eye contact with Annie.

There's too much bread in his mouth; he can't even chew it up before Mikasa's shoving even more in and

(_I can't breathe_)

The thing is that Mikasa does this to prevent conflict between Eren and Jean. Armin is a boy of words; Mikasa is a woman of action, and her mechanism of action is usually stuff a thin loaf of bread down Eren's throat to shut him up.

(_but Eren's never showed any trouble breathing_)

Mikasa shoves bread down Sasha's throat too whenever Sasha asks—which is quite often.

(_but Sasha __**inhales **__food all the time_)

His two friends have showed such aptitude… they've made it seem completely normal, but here Connie is, showing just how pathetic he is…

(_Is this why I'm single_)

Is the ability to deepthroat bread related to how relationship-prone somebody is?

(_Is the lack of oxygen in my brain making me all smart and sciencey and stuff?_)

(_Huh I'm going to pass out soon_)

Right before he slips into unconsciousness, Connie kicks at not Mikasa but at Eren as hard as he can. When Eren yelps in pain, Mikasa abandons everything—her staring contest with Annie, her bready violation of Connie—to focus on ensuring Eren's wellbeing, allowing Connie to cough up chunks of bread and gasp for air.

"Eren? Are you hurt? How bad does it hurt? Who did it? I'm gonna cut a bitch, **tell me who did it**."

"Quit it, Mikasa, I'm fine," Eren sighs, pushing Mikasa's caring hands away. "Put that razor blade back where you found it; I don't need it."

Mikasa obeys solemnly, ignoring Annie in favor of turning her eyes upon Connie. "Yes, you may have my bread."

"Who else have you experimented on?" barks Connie, almost unable to keep an accusing tone out of his voice.

Mikasa only looks at him quizzically. "What are you talking about?"

Connie grabs Mikasa's baguette, which now has his saliva all over one end. "This. In my mouth. You wouldn't make me deepthroat this if you just wanted to feed me. I'm onto you, Mikasa. You have another purpose." His eyes widen in realization. "Armin set you up to this, didn't he?"

Mikasa doesn't reply, which, if anything, only confirms his suspicions. Just to make sure, he spells it out to her: "You're testing Eren and Sasha's relationship capabilities first, right? It's all coming together now—you're seeing how far they can take difficulties before they choke and die!"

"…Have you ever been in a relationship before?"

Connie falters. This… this is a low blow. "N-n-no, but I—"

"You're spouting nonsense, Connie."

That's another low blow. Yeah, he isn't very smart, but he tries his best! "Mikasa, why else would you do something so ridiculously suggestive in front of everybody? I know you're not doing it to humiliate them, so it's gotta be for scientific purposes!"

"I am giving them food so that they can live."

"Okay, Mikasa, just watch me. Tell me this isn't erotic!"

Connie swipes Mina's bread as he walks past her and Annie's table; it's not as plump and round as everybody else's, but looks a lot more like a fat breadstick, which is just perfect for what Connie's about to do. Mina yelps in protest, but Connie just winks at her as he carefully makes his way across the room. Jean's attention is currently focused solely on Eren, allowing Connie to gently slip into the adjacent seat, ensure that Mikasa is still watching him, and wait for just the _perfect_ opportunity…

Jean's mouth is wide open when Connie grabs him by the hair and shoves the fat breadstick into his mouth. Jean is so shocked at this unexpected turn of events that his mouth hangs open for a couple seconds, allowing Connie to squeeze in a little rough-and-wild, back-and-forth pump action. And, since he's already being pretty outrageous, he tosses in a couple sound effects like "Yes!" and "Oh **yes**!" and a pretty good imitation of Krista's "OOOOOHHHH!"

The demonstration ends when Jean viciously bites down on Connie's baguette. They play tug of war with it for a couple seconds before Jean gives up on getting the bread out of his mouth and leaps for Connie instead. Connie halts Jean's forward progress by wrapping his fist around his end of the breadstick and shoving it as deep as he can into Jean's open mouth before quickly pulling it out again.

"Hck!"

With this distraction, Connie successfully escapes by jumping onto Krista and Ymir's table. Wheezing, Jean manages to yell, "Connie, what the _hell_?"

Connie inspects his slobbery bread. "I'd say about 12 cm," he guesses, using the tooth marks and gleaming saliva to guestimate just how far he managed to shove Mina's bread into Jean's mouth. "Not bad."

He dodges easily when Jean clambers onto the table and tries to grab him, dancing back over to Mina's and Annie's table; on a whim, he tries to force the breadstick into Annie's mouth. The blonde glares at him but keeps her mouth shut, so Connie playfully beats the wet loaf of bread around her face a couple times before dropping it in front of Mina again.

"Connie!" Jean thunders, his hands going straight for Connie's neck. Connie barely escapes again by somersaulting backwards onto the table, leaving Jean to crash messily into Annie instead.

What happens next, Connie would have missed had he blinked; Annie grabs Jean's shirt and, while remaining seated, does something fancy with her legs hooking around Jean's knees to send him face-first into the floor.

"Just eat your stupid lunch and leave me out of this," she says calmly.

Connie hopes that he won't ever get on her bad side.

Marco comes over then, helping a manly-tearful Jean off the floor and restraining him at the same time. Connie takes this as his chance to retreat, shooting Mikasa a look.

(_See, doesn't that just scream __**super erotic**_)

Unfortunately, Mikasa seems to have lost interest—and she's back to her staring contest with Annie.

Well then. If Jean and Annie wasn't enough to convince Mikasa, then he'll just have to _keep _showing her some more examples.

* * *

_**Next time: Armin faces the consequences of his unwise actions...**_

"_Give it up, Krista. I'm sorry, but he's gone."_

"_You're not sorry at all!"_

"_Whatever, the trap's dead."_


	8. in Armin's life

_**Author's Note: **Reviews appreciated!_

* * *

**Afternoon (training)**

"Give it up, Krista. I'm sorry, but he's gone."

"You're not sorry at all!"

"Heh, you caught me. Whatever, the trap's dead. …Hey, why don't you unzip those pants. I need to know what's inside."

"_What? _Ymir, why would you say such a thing?"

"Just hurry and do it. You said you'd always be on my side, didn't you?"

"Ooookay…"

The feeling of a soft, delicate hand touching his nether parts shocks Armin back into reality. "I am most definitely a boy!"

"Ah, he's alive!" a blurry blonde head bounces back, straight into a taller Ymir's arms.

"Huh. Guess you can't ever kill the shota," Ymir muses as she sets Krista back onto the ground with surprising gentleness. "Especially when he reaches Krista-levels of moe."

Armin tries to get his bearings, but the quick movements make him swoon and he has to close his eyes for a minute. His vision was super fuzzy, but all the green suggests that he's in the forest. He might also have a concussion. However, a sudden memory springs to mind of another blonde who also used the word 'moe' to describe him… "**Thomas**!" he cries as a flood of memories returns to him.

When Sasha had attacked them, Armin was slammed into floor of their sleeping quarters so hard that he barely remembers what happened to Thomas. Even though Thomas' dare was horribly stupid, Armin was just as stupid for agreeing to it. He should have refused… but Thomas had challenged his honor as a soldier and as a **man**, so there was no way he could back down from that! Especially when everybody keeps calling him a shota, dammit!

"Armin! Can you tell us what happened here?" asks Krista.

His head hurts, so he reflexively replies with the first thing he can think of: "On that day, mankind received a grim reminder: we lived under the fear of titans and were disgraced to live in these cages we called—"

Ymir's places her hands on either side of Armin's head and **squeezes** it like a melon. "Don't even start, you stupid narrator! I still don't know if you're a boy or girl when you do those freakish voiceovers!"

"You're hurting him!" yells Krista, leaping onto Ymir's back and pulling her away. "Armin, just tell me yes or no: are you okay?"

Armin blinks again, but the headcrushing that Ymir just put him through seems to have momentarily disabled his ability to see. "What's going on?"

"You've been missing since breakfast. Eren went crazy looking for you!"

"Until lunch rolled around," Ymir says. "Then he went to stuff his face and squabble with Jean."

"Shut up, Ymir. You're not helping."

"I know. Heehee."

"What time is it?" Armin asks wearily, opening his eyes and blinking in an attempt to clear his vision. Something's not quite right, but he can't put his finger on it.

"Oh! This is the afternoon training session," Krista explains. "Mikasa told Instructor Shadis that you were sick in bed after he came and broke up her fight."

"Fight?"

"Oh ho ho!" Ymir guffaws. "You missed Mikannie's half-naked, mid-shower bitchfight in front of the mess hall!" She fans herself. "And Annie didn't even miss a beat when her towel slipped. That was when Krista here—"

"I was protecting her purity!"

"—ran right up to her and copped a feel." Ymir pats Krista on the head. "I've taught her well."

"I grabbed her _towel_!" Krista squeaks, stomping a foot childishly. She turns to Armin and assures him, "And it didn't fall."

"Oh yeah, and she kicked in the faces of anybody who tried to sneak a peek, including Old Man Shadis, **and **she still got away with it, the manipulative little bitch." Though Ymir's words is harsh, she speaks fondly and her tone is quite loving.

However, Krista is too distracted to protest Ymir's most recent insult. "This is it?" she asks in wonder. "I thought this was just stuff of legend. To actually see it with my own eyes…"

"Hmph. It's not like Sasha tried covering up her meat. He's even trussed up like a dead turkey."

That's when Armin realizes what's wrong with the world: he's hanging from a tree branch with his hands and feet firmly hogtied behind his back.

"Ah—agh—_aaaaargh!_" Armin panics and tries to free himself, but the rope work binding his entire body shows the expertise of a hunter. Ropes criss-cross around his torso so that his weight is evenly distributed across his entire body. It looks like a bondage outfit, but its true purpose is to not cut off blood circulation to all parts of his body. "What did Sasha do to me?" He looks around, recognizing the tree he's hanging from. "**Her secret stash**?"

"Wow. If I wasn't completely in lesbians with Krista, I might consider the fact that Sasha was saving you for later, like, supermegafoxyawesomehot. As it is, though… Krista?! Why is there drool coming out of your mouth?"

_SLURP. _"What? No, I wasn't—"

"I saw that sparkling slobber."

"W-w-what are you talking about? Slobber doesn't sparkle!"

"Don't you dare pretend that I didn't. _I saw_—"

Seeing as these two girls have been holding an entire conversation with him while he's been hanging upside down like a piece of meat, Armin uses his powers of deduction to conclude that neither Ymir or Krista are likely to help him if he doesn't take drastic measures... like screaming at the top of his lungs. "HAAAAAALP!"

Ymir sighs. "Aw, and now you've just got to go and ruin the fun. Fine." She pulls out a survival knife and slices a rope, causing Armin to body-slam the ground.

"Owwww!"

"Yay, we helped the trap!" Ymir slings Krista over one shoulder. "Let's go."

"Wait, my hands and feet are still tied!" Armin shouts, but Ymir zooms away, leaving a cloud of smoke (and a couple twinkling drops of Krista's drool) in her wake. "Don't leave me…"

He has to escape. He's still lying in front of Sasha's secret food stash like a pig waiting to be slaughtered, with his hands and feet hogtied behind him… given, Ymir had said they were in the middle of training, so Sasha was probably out there training and not eating food. Or… what if the reason why she didn't constantly pilfer food from the kitchens between meals was because she came back here to her secret stash? What… what if she'd eaten Thomas for brunch and was saving him for a mid-afternoon snack instead?

"HEEEELP!" he shrieks. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

No response… except a rustling of branches and the crunch of leaves in the distance. Sasha?

"**I don't want to die! **HELP ME! HEEEE—grufnk!"

"Hey, there you are!" It's Connie, framed by sunlight, standing proudly in front of him with a bulging sack of what must be bread slung over one shoulder. "Everybody's wondering where you've gone—though I can't say that I'm surprised."

(_You knew about this and you didn't come help?_) Armin wants to say, but the gigantic loaf of bread that Connie has just lodged into his mouth prevents him from saying anything. When he tries to spit it out, Connie shoves it back in while continuing, "You've got wonder why, even though everybody knows that it exists, nobody's ever found it."

Armin chokes as the baguette hits the back of his throat—and then bends and keeps going.

"And why the people who go out looking for it usually shut up about it afterwards. Wow. You're definitely better at this than Eren. Almost as good as Sasha, I'd say." Connie laughs lightheartedly as he finally pulls the bread out of Armin's mouth.

"Hck… hlph… wh… why?"

Armin wheezes for breath as Connie closely inspects the saliva markings on the bread. "20 cm," he muses. "Not bad at all!"

"What… what are you talking about?"

"You beat out Jean by 8 cm! That's… that's…" Connie's exuberance quickly morphs into terrified suspicion, and he turns his eyes, cast in deep shadow, upon Armin. "Are you a boy or girl?"

Armin would have pounded his fist on the ground, had it not been securely tied with rope. "Why d-does everyone keep saying that? I'm not a trap!"

His intuition tells him that telling Connie he actually has no idea what a trap is would not be a good idea. Whatever it is, it can't be good.

Connie's expression twists with doubt, but he crouches low to the ground and takes out his utility knife. "Okay, man, if you say so. I trust you." He says, sawing away at Armin's bindings.

Armin almost weeps in relief. "I'm saved!"

"What, did you really think Sasha was going to eat you?" Connie roars in laughter. "Dude, I thought you were smart, but you're actually sort of dumb! And this is coming from the idiot who forgets to wash his own underwear and has to steal other peoplohwaitnoyoudidnthearanything."

"**Then why was I hogtied and left hanging above her secret food stash?**"

"Isn't it obvious? To scare the shit out of anybody looking to steal her food." Connie just grins at him. "Betcha that, even knowing that, you're never going to try coming to this neck of the woods again."

Now that he's past the overwhelming terror of the nightmare, he can think about this a little more rationally… and it is pretty clear. In fact, it's pretty brilliant for a girl who needs constant access to food while wanting to keep hundreds of other trainees away from it. Armin silently applauds Sasha.

The cut ropes loosen from around his wrists; the rope burns there prickle with pain as they breathe oxygen. Ouch. He cradles his wrists gently and uses his chin instead to gesture at the discarded baguette. "Why are you copying Mikasa?"

"On a scale of 1 to 10, just how sexy did you feel deepthroating that piece of bread?"

Armin instantly feels horribly, horribly violated—even more so than when he thought that Sasha was saving him for a mid-afternoon snack.

"Yeah. She won't listen to me, so you go tell Mikasa how you feel about losing your virginity to a loaf of bread."

* * *

_**Next time: Krista werqs it to the best of her ability and people start to notice…**_

"_Jean, that better be a breadstick in your pocket."_


	9. in Krista's life

**Afternoon (post-training workout) **

"Like hell your abs are bigger than mine!"

"Oh yeah? Just take a good look at them."

"Yeah, I can barely see them underneath all that baby fat, you midget. So mine might be smaller in width, but just look how deep the grooves are between mine."

"If you're so blind, then I guess we'll have to do a side-by-side comparison. You can't deny it if our abs are right next to each other!"

"Fine! Then you can really see how invisible your abs are compared to my six pack!"

"Argh! You're too tall; your crotch is hiding the lower half of my abs! Bend your legs a little!"

And this is how Krista stumbles across the hilarious scene of Eren and Jean, all hot and sweaty from working out, pressing their lower torsos together in an effort to compare their abdominals. She doesn't scream, "**GAY!**" and run though (she figures she can talk due to she and Ymir… well, you know), because it would ruin her nice girl image.

Even more importantly, though, Krista's late to her own workout with Misaka.

She's usually not late, but Ymir… well, you know. It all started with the Big O Face, and now she won't stop. Not that Krista's complaining, and she's working on reducing her volume… but still, it's really, really embarrassing in public.

Speaking of embarrassing… "Jean: that better be a breadstick in your pocket."

"I'll have you know that it is indeed the hardest, longest loaf of bread I could find."

"That's not bread! That's a rock!"

"And I intend to beat Connie around the head with it."

"You'll seriously hurt him if you do that!"

"And then we'll all see just how well he can blow on this! I'll bet he can't even get 5 cm of this into his midget mouth!"

Anyways, Krista successfully manages to slip past Eren and Jean's disturbing conversation and into the exercise room. There are few trainees here, because it's literally been ten minutes since they were released from their afternoon training, and most people are too tired or lazy. Mina and Annie are lifting weights in one corner and spotting each other and Mikasa is standing alone next to a pull-up bar. Thomas is in the first aid station right next to the exercise room, wrapping bandages around what strangely look like bloody _bite marks_ on his upper torso, arms, and neck.

Krista doesn't have time to wonder how Thomas got teeth marks around his nipples (she and Ymir never got _that_ crazy) because the moment Mikasa spots her, she begins the normal stretches, emphasizing lower body stretches. Krista mirrors her immediately, mentally preparing herself to extremely sore legs, glutes, and abdominals tonight.

The workout is mostly silent, which makes Mikasa's single words of encouragement that much more powerful. Krista and Mikasa lie on their backs and cycle their legs in the air, then lay their legs straight down on the ground and sit all the way up until they can touch their toes. They lie on their stomachs and do backward crunches. Mikasa forces her down into the splits and she gains maybe another centimeter before she feels like she might pull a groin muscle. She hangs from a bar and pulls her legs up to a 90 degree angle with her torso, then does mini crunches suspended there in air; Mikasa stands right next to her, clapping out a steady rhythm the entire time, and Krista does the same for her when they switch places.

At the end, Krista marvels at the definition of her abs. A tiny vindictive part of her wishes that she could still march outside and get in on Erejean's abs competition, though her obsessive need to be pure and nice quickly squashes it. Besides, it's not likely that Eren and Jean have been pushing their crotches against each other for the past hour, is it?

Well, she can still compare with Mina. Maybe. Her brain starts calculating nice and innocent ways of approaching the topic with Mina and Annie. Or she could ask about Thomas' welfare and compare with him, though at this point, the boy has so many white bandages on his body that she can't really see his abs. Or skin.

Eren's distress leaks through the walls of the exercise room as he cries, "Mikasa! I need your help!"

Needless to say, Mikasa freezes immediately, ready to rush over to Eren's side no matter where he is. This isn't necessary, though, because Eren and Jean enter the location seconds later, the front of their shirts pulled up and over their heads, revealing their muscular torsos.

"I need you to be our judge…" Eren begins, before slowly trailing off as Mikasa straightens up and adjusts her black sports bra. Though she wears it so that she can let her skin breathe and most certainly doesn't mean to show off her midriff, the definition of _all_ her muscles (and not just her eight-pack) is displayed for everyone to see.

Behind Eren, Jean begins to slink away, a look of absolute despair on his face. "I… I'll just be in my room… crying manly tears of shame."

"Why are you wearing your shirt like this?" Mikasa questions Eren urgently. "Exposing your chest like this when the sun's almost about to set—you're going to catch a cold if you don't bundle up." She grabs his shirt and attempts to pull it back over his head.

"Stop—stop it, Mikasa! Stop! Me and Jean, we were comparing…" Eren's voice dies away as he gets a good look at her abdominals again. "Never mind. I'm just going to leave now." He brushes MIkasa off and turns around, just as Connie shows up, dragging a gigantic rucksack behind him.

"Eat it!" Connie yells, plunging his hand into his bag and pulling out at least seven lumps of bread. With practiced motion, he begins rapid-fire pelting Eren with a barrage of bread.

"Ow! Connie! Not you too! Ouch! Seriously, stop!"

In response, Connie throws one straight into Eren's face so hard that it momentarily smashes his face in, knocking him back a meter. Misaka's nostrils flare, conveying indignant rage even though her face remains as expressive as a block of stone. She takes a step forward, ready to pound justice into Connie's head…

…but Jean gets there first, raising an oblong loaf of bread so burnt and hardened that it resembles a rock more than anything above Connie's head. "Die!"

"**STOP!**"

They all freeze in place at Krista's yell—even Mina, Annie, and Thomas in the background—except for Connie, who scampers off like a naughty Santa with his bag of naughty toys. Oh well; at least that's one problem gone, Krista supposes. Now, to wrap the other loose ends…

At least, that's what she would have done, had not Sasha sprinted up to them, panting, "Do you hear that?"

Krista's one of the few people who knows Sasha's full story—of her past life living in an isolated mountain village, maintaining humankind's superiority above the wolves and bears. Her hunter's lifestyle has given her an extreme perceptiveness of the environment around her. Knowing this, Krista has been able to see Sasha's actions within the training grounds with a deeper understanding: she often has hunches, an unexplained sixth sense, that directs her towards the best path of action.

If Sasha's onto something, Krista will definitely pay attention.

Thomas lets out a girly scream of terror and hides behind Mina, where he still lets out the occasional whimper of fear. When Krista puts a finger to her lips silently though, Thomas clams up completely.

There it is: a tiny whine, steadily growing louder and clearer. It's actually a lot more like a scream. Like the scream of a beast while unexpectedly flying through the air…

A gigantic mass explodes through the cloud layer overhead, burning bright orange with air friction as it screams towards the ground. Krista has never seen such a beautiful yet frightening sight in her life, such a gigantic glowing sphere of fire falling from the sky, _coming straight down on top of them_.

And if she looks even closer, she gets the shivers… because the big falling rock looks like the screaming skull of a Titan.

-o-o-o-o-

_**Next time: Bertolt …**_

"_You think I'll just offer myself to any bloke who squeezes my manly moobs?"_


	10. in Bertolt's life

**~ Bertolt Hoover ~**

* * *

Stupid Reiner.

Stupid Reiner and his stupid man-boobs.

Bertolt is currently sulking through the woods, angsting to the max over how Reiner, in playing soldier, seems to have shoved Bertolt into a tiny dark corner of his mind.

He misses those times in the wilderness, when they were still traveling to the Walls. Back then, it was just him and Reiner (and Annie, though she always did her own thing). They were warriors together, spending every second of the grandest adventure of their young lives in each other's company. He and Reiner even slept together every night—

(_hey, not that kind of sleeping! that was almost four years ago and we were just kids_)

Though Bertolt can't exactly deny that, as a hormonal 14-year old now, he doesn't think about it every once in a while. You know, sleeping together. Curled around each other for warmth during the colder nights. The good times. So maybe he wishes they could reenact that within the warmth of a cabin… maybe once a month. Or once a week. Twice a week?

(_every day_)

But Reiner's got other things—other people—on his mind lately, as he goes around playing the soldier, _becoming_ the soldier, and suddenly Bertolt doesn't know this new man-whore who lets a crowd of young humans shove him up against a tree and grope his chest as much as they want.

(_i'm probably overreacting_)

He hadn't been able to watch Reiner's fondling party for longer than two seconds; it hurt too much, and he'd hidden in the bathroom instead. Even worse, Reiner seemed to be avoiding him; Bertolt hadn't seen him during the afternoon's training session, and not even at dinner either. It was almost as if Reiner had simply disappeared off the face of the earth (and com'on, it's not like that's even remotely possible).

He almost wants to ask Annie about it. Even though she'll probably kick his butt for asking such a stupid question when she couldn't care less, at least it'll be an expected answer from somebody he knows. Somebody who doesn't change their core values on the turn of a coin.

Why does he feel like he isn't as close to Reiner anymore?

Why does he feel like he _can't_ be close to Reiner anymore?

But he so desperately wants to. The desire to _be close_ to Reiner is so overpowering, it almost feels his heart is screaming. The sound grows from a tinny whine to a shrieking wail as the skies above him light up with a fiery orange

(_is that a burning skull in the sky_)

A ground-shattering explosion sends him flying.

* * *

He regains his senses about five seconds later. His constantly-sweating body is densely-packed with muscle and fairly durable as a result, after all, and the regeneration certainly helps to—

(_i'm missing an arm_)

AGH WHERE DID IT GO

No, calm down. Steam is already wafting from his bloody shoulder. If he pushes through the wild pain and focuses on regeneration, he should have an arm again within fifteen minutes, long before any investigating soldiers arrive.

A brand-new sleeveless arm, since the sleeve of his blue sweater was cut off along with the severed arm. How would he explain that one to the nosy humans?

Bertolt can't think of any other solution other than taking his shirt off. It's a bit more difficult with one arm and a shoulder still loudly protesting any sort of movement, but by the time he's stripped down to the sweat-covered skin, the bleeding has stopped and his nerves are too busy re-growing to do anything more than whimper softly in pain. They've been using the 3D Maneuver Gear during afternoon training sessions almost every day now, so his smooth, naturally tanned skin is marked by red burn lines over his shoulders, straight across his chest, and down his obliques.

Okay. That problem solved. Next one: Reiner.

How… What…

Bertolt had recognized the armored face of his best friend's Titan form straight away, even when its white, cannon-proof shell glowed bright orange with heat as it fell from the sky like a gigantic ball of fire.

Just a head. Just Reiner's armored head.

Why… How did Reiner even get from his moob party to falling from the sky?

(_i'll bet you'd rather have me and not annie come and clean up your mess but what if i just not_)

But Reiner's still his best friend, so his feet are already moving despite his bitter thoughts

(_i really have no will of my own_)

The explosion had been so close that the resulting shockwave had been enough to knock over trees (and tear off limbs), so Bertolt just heads in the direction that recently torn-up tree roots point towards, pushing through choking clouds of dust until he almost topples down the slope of a fresh crater. The tiny little bud of his new arm doesn't help him descend the steep slope much, so the trip down is slow-going.

"Reiner!" he calls when he nears the bottom.

No response.

Bertolt stumbles the last couple meters to the steaming skull. It's probably scalding to human touch, but Bertolt plunges his single arm into the exposed flesh at the base of the armored head, worming his way through warm muscle until he finds the fragile body that the muscle fibers are attached to. From there, he walks his fingers up Reiner's back until he reaches the nape of the neck of his human form.

Bertolt pinches the nape of Reiner's neck as sharply as he can.

Huge clouds of steam billow out from the gigantic armored skull as it finally begins to disintegrate in earnest. Limp muscle fibers peel away as Reiner groans and weakly tries to surface; Bertolt loops his one functional arm around Reiner's chest and pulls, helping him along as much as possible.

It's like Reiner's sleeping. Bertolt is holding Reiner in his arms and they're sleeping together, just like the old days when they were travelling from home to the Walls, when he would wrap his arms around Reiner's broad torso in a bear hug, or snuggle up into the crook of Reiner's neck, or run the tips of his fingers along Reiner's skin playfully… back in those good old times when simple gestures of physical touch didn't mean a damn thing, when they were the only things in the entire world that mattered (well, Annie too, but then again not really).

But this isn't like the old days at all, not when he can only use one functional arm to pull Reiner's weak form away from a dissolving armored skull that just fell from the sky, and get them both away before human beings arrive and start snooping around. Not when Reiner's disfigured face in pinched tight with exhaustion. Not when there are still obvious pockmarks underneath his eyes where Titan muscles used to be attached. Not when he was _never _this heavy before.

_Damn, _Reiner is _really_ heavy. He definitely didn't have this much muscle on his body four years ago.

Bertolt has an elbow stump now, so he uses that as a stabilizer as he pulls on Reiner's form. Stubborn muscle fibers refuse to let go of Reiner's legs. Agh, when did Reiner become so heavy? Bertolt remembers witnesses Reiner's growth spurt last year, during their first year of being trainees—how his shoulders broadened, how muscles suddenly popped out of nowhere, how he suddenly had body odor and hair growth in unwanted places—but anything that he shared with Bertolt, he also shared with all the other guys in their sleeping quarters.

Bertolt is no longer Reiner's only friend.

(_i am not special i am not noticed i am nobody_)

Somebody with no resolve cannot determine the path of a relationship. Bertolt can only resign himself to letting Reiner choose his path (though every once in a while, Bertolt reminds him about what they're truly doing here).

(_here you can choose to let other people touch your body in places where previously only i could touch_)

He's suddenly seized by the fantasy of returning home, right now, even though they haven't even begin to accomplish anything in their mission yet. It starts out as a tiny seed that takes root and begins to grow outrageously fast. If they were to return home now, then they would spend at least a year traveling. Just him and Reiner in the wilderness, where the only things that mattered in the entire world was each other. Just like old times.

Back when he was somebody

(_and back when somebody loved me_)

Jealousy momentarily overcomes Bertolt, prompting him to splay his only hand across Reiner's chest possessively and _squeeze_.

Reiner lets out a positively _breathy_ moan, quickly followed by, "**Holy$%#&**stoptouchingmethere, Connie."

This statement is also followed by a half-hearted struggle, even though his legs are still bound by Titan muscle fibers. Bertolt dodges Reiner's weak punch by simply dropping him, and Reiner flops pathetically to the ground. Indignation courses through Bertolt, but the only thing he can manage to say is a barely-audible, "I'm not Connie."

Reiner's head snaps up from his awkward position on the dirt, weary eyes blinking rapidly in the dust cloud still hovering about them before zeroing in on Bertolt. "Why are you running around topless?"

"I l-lost an arm," Bertolt stammers shyly as his face floods with hot embarrassment, and he wiggles his little elbow stump to helpfully demonstrate. "B-but Reiner… You just fell out of the sky!"

Reiner glances briefly down at his legs, still wrapped up in strands of muscle from his Titan skull, before glancing back at Bertolt's face… But his eyes keep drifting down a couple centimeters. "Huh."

"How?"

"I don't remember. Hmph, I _do_ remember the little brats touching me where no man or woman should ever touch," Reiner shivers, instinctively shielding his chest with both hands and curling into a ball. "Nobody. ever. again."

Now or never. He has to say it now while he's still brave enough, while Reiner still lies on the ground, weakly curled into a fetal position with his hands protecting his tender chest. Bertolt takes a deep breath… and lets it all out in one rushed, smooshed word. "Reiner… I… Iwannagohomenow."

"…What did you just say?"

"Let's go home."

It only takes a second for Reiner to go from a weakling with his legs still tangled in residual Titan muscle to his normal stud mode who's able to hold Bertolt in a death choke just by flexing his biceps. "Say that again, warrior," he growls. "**You're** the one always talking about completing our mission first, and now you're telling me you want to go home without accomplishing anything? You **know** we can't show our faces again until we finish what we started. So tell me again: what did you say?"

Bertolt weakly pulls at Reiner's arm, wheezing for breath. Maybe it's the lack of air that makes him so stupid, but he manages to squeak, "I can't stand to see you giving yourself out so freely."

A beat of silence. Then Reiner wordlessly crushes his windpipe.

* * *

"Are you insane?"

Bertolt blinks blearily as he rises back to consciousness a couple seconds later. "Ruh… Reiner?"

"You think I'll just offer myself to any bloke who squeezes my manly moobs? Do you have dirty thoughts running through that perverted little mind of yours?"

(_yes oh yes to both questions – no wait shut up stupid brain_)

Bertolt silently rolls away from Reiner and curls up into a defensive ball.

"I swear to you, Bertl, I'm going to kill Connie. Eren first, actually, for coming up with that stupid boob-jiggling idea, and probably Sasha for drawing so much damn attention aftershe** '**accidentally' ran face-first into them, and Connie next for making such a freakin' big deal out of it. Even Marco and Jean. I'll kick their asses into space, just like Mikasa and Annie… never mind. Forget I mentioned those last two. They don't have anything to do with anything."

Bertolt stubbornly remains in his tight little ball, pointedly not reacting to Reiner's complaints.

"What they all did to me was a complete accident. There's no way I'd willingly let **anybody**whoop my ass. Or touch it. They're not going to get away with it. **I'll kill them all!** **I'll wipe every one of them off the face of this earth!**"

Bertolt does not respond.

Then there's rustling noises as Reiner carefully seats himself on the ground next to Bertolt. Bertolt keeps his eyes squeezed shut… up until the point when Reiner's warm hand lands on his shoulder. "But, uh… hey, Bertl…"

Bertolt keeps his mouth closed, but he can't stop his breath from quickening as the tips of Reiner's fingers slowly slide their way up his shoulder towards his back

(_just like the old times when I used to play my fingers across your skin_)

Once Reiner's hand reaches Bertolt's back, his fingers zip straight down the spine—and all of the nerves in his back fire, forcefully uncurling him as he arches and gasps for breath. Bertolt can only lie there, exposed and vulnerable and _panting dammit_ when Reiner says softly, "I… I wouldn't mind if it was you. Touching me, I mean."

Bertolt freezes. His mind keeps drawing a blank. He… and Reiner… and a full year of growing distant, thinking that he was losing Reiner and losing the only person who knew him as Bertolt Hoover first and the Colossal Titan second and could love him and who he could love back and—

Reiner huffs and starts to lift himself off the ground. "Man, why am I suddenly as shy as a little girl?" he sighs. "Never mind, Bertl—"

Bertolt launches himself onto Reiner's body, bringing the stocky blonde back down to the ground. Dust and Titan vapor swirl around them as Bertolt finds himself unexpectedly straddling Reiner's hips, both arms finally whole again and resting on the either side of Reiner's head, and Reiner's just looking up at him expectantly and he's pretty sure he doesn't know what he's really doing…

Until he rephrases his way of thinking to one in which he constantly has had to remind Reiner of who he really is: a warrior fighting for a cause, fighting to return home again, fighting with Bertolt and Annie because they are the only two people who love Reiner Braun (or, at least in Annie's case, won't kill him) because they know him as he truly is: the person first and the Armored Titan second.

Despite the fact that he keeps telling himself that he has no drive, that thought is all it takes for Bertolt to make that first step of lowering himself gently onto Reiner's body. From there, it's no longer drive or determination but passion and emotion that carry him the rest of the way down to Reiner's lips—

—Right before Annie, who's wearing a black hoodie, materializes out of the darkness of the forest and kicks both of their asses so hard that they rocket away from the scene of the crime and completely out of the forest.

She watches their tiny forms disappear off in the distance for a moment before turning to the mostly disintegrated Titan skull. She stomps around on the larger pieces, breaking them into smaller chunks that disappear much quicker; then she pulls the hood of her black sweater over her blonde head and disappears into the darkness of the approaching night on her next mission.

Tch. Leave it to Reiner and Bertolt to make her clean up their stupid love messes.

* * *

_**Next time: Jean has a manly cry in the bathroom.**_

"_Marcooo, the stairs to maturity are too steep…_"

"_From what I could see, you were already halfway there…!_"

"_Shut up. Just shut up._"


End file.
